Sheets or Ghosts Of The Night?
by Christine Ruud
Summary: One of the 4077th's rules is that ninety two percent of the time, you shouldn't believe Klinger. Well, maybe they should omit that around Halloween...
1. Chapter 1

**Sheets (Ghosts?) Of The Night**

_October 29, 1952_

_Dear Dad,_

_Well, it's another exciting night at the 4077th. We're just off of a twenty-eight hour O.R. session. I went through five shifts of nurses, and would like to go through them again, and again, and again, and again..._

"Ah, good morning, Bigelow. How are your ten magic fingers today?"

"Good evening."

"Excuse me? It sounded like you just said good evening."

"I did, Doctor."

"Oh, no no no. It was evening yesterday. It has to be morning now."

_We were just into our seventeenth (or was it eighteenth?) hour when our Lebanese draftee came in with new surgical gowns and a face to match._

Corporal Klinger slammed the door to the operating room. "Okay, I got your robes. But I ain't going out there again!"

"Ain't," sighed Charles Emerson Winchester III..._never_ forget the _III_. "The layman's trifle attempt at an abbreviation."

Klinger tossed the gowns to Nurse Kellye. "Do you want to know what I saw?" he asked.

"No," the O.R. chorused in unison.

"A ghost."

"A ghost?" demanded Margaret Houlihan.

"Klinger, have you been sniffing the ether? Suction," Hawkeye Pierce instructed Bigelow.

"I believe those dreadful pieces of film passing of movies have taken over his mind," said Charles. "What was that award-winner" (he scoffed) "last night? _Vampire Bats from Arizona_?"

"No, that was Thursday's," said B.J. Hunnicutt. "Last night's was _Cat People_."

"No," interrupted Colonel Sherman Potter, "Wednesday's was _Cat People_. Last night's was...Radar, what was last night's movie?"

"I don't know, sir," answered the corporal. "I was too busy closing my eyes."

"Didn't anyone hear me?" shouted Klinger.

"Yes," Margaret snapped. "I think that Halloween has caused Klinger to blow ordinary events out of proportion."

"Give the boy some credit," said Colonel Potter. "Let him state his case."

"Thank you, sir," Klinger said.

"And _then _we can tell him that he's blowing things out of proportion. Go on, Klinger."

Klinger stood up straighter, as if he were about to deliver an important monologue. "Dusk. As I exit the supply tent, a figure steps in front of me. I pause. Is it a spy? An invader from Planet Zilinhammer? A vampire bat?"

"On with it, Hamlet," Hawkeye called.

"But no! It is...a ghost!"

"Brilliant deduction," commented Charles dryly. "Retraction."

"IT WAS A GHOST!" Klinger insisted.

"I'm not surprised. Your voice is loud enough to wake the dead."

The staff turned to glare at Charles.

"Purely proverbial," he added quickly.

"Fine. Ignore me." Klinger turned and stomped into the changing room. "Wait until _you _see the white thing. Then you'll come crying to me--'Klinger, I saw it!' 'Klinger, I believe you!' But will I believe them? Ohhhhh no..."

_...so we either have a stray sheet roaming the camp or a resident ghost. _

_My irritable bunkmates are complaining that my light is in their eyes. I'd better get a restful two-hour nap before the next deluge. _

_Your ever-tired son,_

_ B.F. ("eye of the hawk") Pierce_

As Hawkeye turned off his lights and B.J. and Charles muttered "thank-you"s, no one looked outside to see the white figure floating past the swamp.

Of course, if they would have, it would have been dismissed as a sheet.

**_A/N: Well...more random. It came to me...as many things do. Did you like it? Did you hate it? If you hated it, constructive criticism is appreciated. (NOTE: constructive.)_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sheets (Ghosts?) Of The Night**

_Chapter Two_

_Dear--_

BANG.

Margaret screeched. She dropped her pen and gasped for breath. "Who is it?"

There was no answer. The blonde head nurse stood up from her desk and carefully walked over to her tent's door. Even though she'd thought Klinger's story was caused by sleep deprivation and a severely active imagination, the fogginess of the night and the wind had caused her to re-think her decision.

BANG.

"Who's there?"

The door swung slowly open.

"K-Klinger? If this is a joke..."

Margaret trailed off. As far as she could see, no one was outside.

"Probably the wind," she sighed as she shut the door and went back to her letter to her sister.

_--Lillian_

_We've--_

"Margaret."

The door which had been shut not ten seconds ago was wide open.

Margaret grabbed her robe and shot out the door. She gasped for breath as she banged on the door to the nearest tent--the nurses'.

"Yes?" called Bigelow.

"It's Major Houlihan."

"C-c-come in," Able hiccupped.

Margaret opened the door and stepped cautiously into the tent. Bigelow, Kellye, and Baker were draped over the bunkbeds and Able was trying to stand on her head.

"What's going on in here?" she asked, more curious than angry.

"Jean has the hiccups," Kellye said. "We're trying to cure her."

"It's not w-working," sighed Able. She stood up. "Did you want something, Major?"

Slightly calmed by the nurses' behavior, Margaret shook her head. "No, I was just checking to see how you all were. You know what Corporal Klinger's stories can do."

Bigelow nodded and said, "You can stay in here and help us come up with cures, if you want."

"Well." Margaret paused, then sat down on the bottom bunk. "I might Just for a bit."

"I thought so." Bigelow and Baker exchanged knowing grins.

**_A/N: I'm doing this story in shorter chapters...oh, what am I typing? I ALWAYS do shorter chapters. Chapter 1 of "Crash" is the longest I've ever done. Nice, light reading. I'd hoped to have this finished before Halloween, but certain circumstances intervened._**

**_(Lillian--Margaret's sister. I just made that up. Was it ever established if she had a sister?)_**


End file.
